So, we just walked into a new year and we all continue to talk about how this is going to be a new beginning in life.  “Out with the old and in with the new!”  What have we actually gotten rid of that is old?  Even though this is a New Year, I am positive that most of us started the first week of the New Year just as we would have any other.

Have we ever thought about those little sayings that we often repeat out of habit rather than in belief or practice?  Have we even thought about some of those clichés that we repeat over and over again without much thought?  I have even observed children using these clichés countless times.

The funniest one that seems to be popular among those successful single women is that “A good man is hard to find” or when in a sarcastic mood “A hard man is good to find!”  SMH is all I can do.  I think we have repeated this cliché so much that we have actually mentally programmed ourselves that this is gospel.

What about this one: “Blood is thicker than water!”  Say that to someone who has a kleptomaniac for a brother, or one that continues to mooch off the family every chance they get.  They bring their unruly children to your house unfed and high on sugar, not mention how they always seem to come over right after you go grocery shopping or just bought a new Wii game for the kids.

Another comical one is “Put all your cards on the table!”  This is classic, especially when you are involved in an intimate relationship with someone and they insist on telling you they are open and honest and you should be the same way.  It is almost like saying “one of my best friends is black/white!”

I can go on for days with these things.  I have heard more than enough since 2010 began six days ago.  The “fat lady has sung,” so give it up.  Make your own thoughts and say something influential or inspiring instead something that is shallow.  Remember there is a “penny for your thoughts!”  {wink}

THE DOS AND DON’TS FOR WATCH NIGHT 2010

There will be a number of us attending Watch Night services at our respective places of worship.  This is when we all gather to bring in the New Year with praise, prayer and a word from the Lord.  Usually this is a time for spiritual reflection and inventory.  Along with all the secular resolutions and promises, we make promises to God that we will do better in our Christian walk.

If you fit the description above, this blog is not for you.  This is for the many of you that only attend church on special occasions. You know what I am talking about. We only see you on Christmas, Mother’s Day, Easter and New Year’s.  I’m not criticizing you for your faith practices, but let’s be candid.  I don’t appreciate you all coming to church and disturbing my worship experience.  Now being the Christian that I am, I have decided to assist you in proper church etiquette.  This way I don’t have to start 2010 on a bad note.  So, here is a brief list of Watch Night Dos and Don’ts:

DON’T come to service late and expect a seat in the front row.  Just do the right thing and automatically make your way to overflow.  You see the 3,000 cars in the parking lot is a clear sign that the church is full.  Also, most services start at 10:00 pm.

DON’T come to church with your club clothes on.  Wear clothing appropriate for attending worship services.  No sagging, no low-rise pants, no cleavage and skirts should at least go to the knee.

DON’T bring your kids to church with cookies and chips to keep them quiet.  It is not allowed in the sanctuary.  Be prepared to allow your children to visit the nursery or children’s church.  Just don’t forget to pick them up afterwards.

DON’T leave right when the clock strikes midnight.  There is a thing called the benediction and it is rude to leave before it.  Don’t fret, the club will still be jumping when you get there.

DON’T bring belated Christmas presents or a bottle of “liquor” for your friend to toast with you after services.  It is out of order, period!  This includes exchanging these things in the parking lot after service too!

DON’T walk during prayer and scripture reading.  It is disrespectful to the word of God.  Putting up one finger does not make it ok either.

DON’T bring your cell phones and start texting at midnight.  Make sure it is off so your friends at the club don’t call shouting “Wish you were here!”  Invite them to church with you.  Take your Bluetooth out of your ear. It will cut out the urges to answer the phone.

DON’T ask for change for $5.00 or less when the offering comes, it’s tacky.  Think of it as a financial sacrifice and one step towards your New Year’s resolution to drink less.

DON’T look at your watch every minute like you have somewhere else to be.  You can stay at the club for six hours, sitting in church for two should be a piece of cake.

DO listen to the ushers as they are there to assist you.  It helps make the service better for all participants.

DO bring your prayer request for the upcoming year so that it may be lifted up to the Lord.

DO bring one friend with you to share in the experience.

DO ask your neighbor in the pew to share his/her Bible.  We do cover scriptures besides Psalm 23 and the Lord’s Prayer.

DO feel free to shout and get your praise on when the spirit hits you.  We have a lot of things to be thankful for and we have come a long way since last January.

DO greet others with a positive spirit and tell someone that your love them.

Feel free to add to the list if I have forgotten anything.  However, this should cover the core foundation of what is expected at Watch Night Service.

I have been attending Watch Night services for years and I can tell you that it is really an uplifting experience to starting the upcoming year on a positive note.  I have done the club scene and occasionally will attend a party or two after services.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Just remember everything has its place and the club doesn’t belong in the church.

Once again may God bring much peace and many blessings to you and yours.  Don’t forget your black eyed peas for health and your greens for money!  Not to mention all those other superstitions we have about bringing in the New Year.  Share some with us so we all can have some laughs.

Most of us have heard these words at some point in our life.  If you attend a regular worship service, then you most definitely have heard these coming from the pulpit on an occasion or two.  I think Michael Jackson said it best, let us start with the Man In The Mirror.

So you have deleted the so-called friends, touched base with those closest to you, you cleaned your house last week, and this week we are going to work on ourselves.  Hopefully, this will take us into the Christmas holiday with a renewed spirit and mindset as we prepare for 2010.

Here are just a few explanations of the four R’s:

REFLECTION: Take a moment to ponder and meditate on you.   It may even require you to physically take a mirror and look at yourself.  Do you like what you see?  I am not talking about your physical appearance either, although some of us can afford some changes there as well, but that is for another day.  If we don’t have a decent inside, our outside is always going to be “jacked up.”  Reflect on your treatment of others; your attitude towards people, places and things; and look at your overall disposition.  What changes can you make?  Who have you mistreated and why?  Think about those things that made you angry, sad, happy, or elated.  What things can you do without and what things do you need to increase about your personality?  I think we have to sometimes look at ourselves first before we can move on to fixing the other things that are wrong.

REDEMPTION: So now that we have looked at ourselves and we see some things that we can make right.  Maybe it is the lady in the grocery store you cussed out for being too slow, then go and apologize.  Maybe you don’t like your attitude to your fellow man, tell ten people “Good Morning” and watch how fast things change.  Those loved ones that you have not spoken to in years or those that you have hurt, call them up and say “I’m Sorry.”  I know it is easier said then done.  Even if they don’t accept it, at least you have redeemed yourself to move forward.  Your only responsibility is to make good what you have made bad.

RESTORATION: The healing has taken place and now it is time for you to move forward and restore yourself.  This does not require you visiting the past, but it may be necessary to mend some broken relationships, both physically and spiritually, if you know what I mean.  Take this time to reconnect with He that is most high and get back those things that are rightfully yours.  I am not talking about material things either, so be careful because when you get the joy back in your life and the blessings start flowing, and those material things may resurface.  Don’t you feel better already?

REJUVENATION: Now it is time to refresh and get your “swag” back.  The past is the past and the wrongs have been righted.  Move on into 2010 with a renewed sense of self, favor, and joy!

Just think of how things would be so much better if we try a few of these self-reflecting tools.  Until next week, I will be practicing my four R’s!

Now there is that old saying that: “How clean your house is when the New Year comes is how clean it will be all year!”  Don’t act like you don’t know this, because so many of us scramble around a couple of days before January 1^st cleaning corners, dusting ceilings, and washing every item of clothing in the house.  Let me just say cleaning up the inventory doesn’t change the significance.

I am guilty of holding on to those little mementos and placing sentimental value on material things.  At some point I just have to realize that they are just that, material.  They are sometimes constant reminders of our past, our pain, and our failures.  I know there are many things that are good and make us proud, like your first “A” on the report card.

So when you are cleaning this month, take inventory of those things that bring us unpleasant memories.  Toss that energy out into the universe and replace it with something positive.  Here are some things that come to mind:

Obituaries: At first I thought it was a tradition to save the obituary of a loved one.  I would often visit family members and see various obituaries lying around representing the loss of an uncle, aunt, or mother.  Have we ever sat down and thought about the grieving process and the fact we are stuck in the moment of the death?  Despite the fact that it is lying around the house, but the moment someone comes over and comments on it, we start back at stage one of the grieving process.  If you cannot throw it away, at least put it out of sight in a box or in the bottom of the closet.  The same goes for the flowers we save from the gravesite. Depending how long since our loved one has moved on, it is probably withered and rotted, and to me that is not a true symbol of the life they lived.  If you want to remember a loved one, do something positive in their memory like start a community garden, a scholarship fund, or donate a stain-glassed window to the church.  This will definitely bring a brighter memory than those obituaries lying around reminding us of a dark day.

Tragic Newspapers: There are times when our families have a moment, and in my experience it may be something tragic and unavoidable.  Fatal car accidents, victims of homicides, and notable fires, not to mention when one of our own commits a crime and is sentenced to life in prison.  These are not articles that should be saved and preserved.  Especially now with the Internet. If someone wants to know, let them Google it!  Throw it away and stop looking at it over and over again.  Sometimes we do things that cause us to revisit painful situations and we never heal or forgive for that matter.  Let it go! Let it go!

Relationship mementos: Why are you still sleeping in your marital bed and you have been divorced for 10 Years? The teddy bear that was given to you for Valentine’s Day when he/she proposed is just a memory of heartache.  Trust me, let it go!  Why do you still sleep in his t-shirt or wear “his/her” favorite perfume/cologne?  Find a new fragrance and move on!  I know this is sometimes easier said than done, but trust me in the end you will appreciate the one you are with right now more.  If you are alone, maybe the reason why you do these things is because you still haven’t let go.  Some items are easier to get rid of than others, but do what you can and build yourself a new life, particularly one that revolves around you.

These are just a few but important things that we tend to hold on too often that bring us pain over and over again.  Of course it is easier said than done to just throw pieces of your life away, but really how can we ever move forward? So, take some physical inventory of those items that are lingering around your house and think about the energy it is emitting in your universe.  Move into positive memories and experiences that make you strong and be placed in situations that bring you joy!

Many of us have taken advantage of all of those social networking sites floating around.  If you weren’t part of the Myspace fad, then most of you certainly got on board with Facebook or Twitter.  The saying used to be “What did we do before we had cellphones?” and now the questions is “What did we do before Facebook?”

One thing I have observed with all this social networking is that people use the term “friend” too loosely.  Everybody wants to be your friend and they make suggestions for you to be friends of their friends.  Just too many connections for me.  The key word is “networking” and the definition is vastly different from that of a friend.

We have already had the discussion of putting too much personal information on these sites.  I myself find it funny that even when I post a thought provoking status update that people automatically assume I am talking about my own personal life.  People begin to share their own stories and then take way too literally the comments others make.  If you keep your business to yourself you wouldn’t have to delete so many friends.

I find it even more comical when people post that they are deleting friends or they are offended by what others post.  There have been articles talking about relationships being broken due to comments left on social networking sites.  Really people? Who were your friends before technology became so advanced?

Let me say this CELEBRITIES ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND!  They probably don’t even know you exist.  They only have a page because they want to promote their latest endeavor.  Social networking is equivalent to writing to the Billy Ocean Fan Club when you were a kid.  You get a generic thank you letter, a signed promotional picture, and an advertisement to purchase their new CD.  You have been had!

I have to admit it is exciting to receive all those birthday wishes from your “friends” on your birthday.  I just wish I had a nickel for each birthday wish. I just might be able to recoup my 401K fund.

Although I appreciate the reconnection to some of my old classmates, distant cousins, and some former associates, I do understand the reason why we haven’t been in touch all these years.  Some of you all are loony!  I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You guys are such colorful characters.

The funniest thing about it all is people are friends with exes, enemies, and strangers.  You continue to share personal information with these people who report inappropriate things to employers, post pictures on YouTube, and anything else you can think of.  I really don’t understand how many of you can think they are your friends.  I just have four words for you: Use the privacy settings!

A word of advice: I rarely communicate with most of my true friends on any social networking site.  We still use the telephone, e-mail, and occasionally, we will write a letter.  Our business is our business and our friendship is truly genuine.  Stop getting your feelings hurt by the so-called friends on these social networking sites.  Get your life back and take inventory of your real friends. Trust me, they won’t be on the computer.

So, who needs to be deleted from your friends list? Or do you just need to shut down your page and start over?

Over the last couple of weeks the Healthcare Reform Bill has been in the limelight. What am I saying? It has been floating around since President Obama demanded changes. I am proud to see that President Obama is not letting the media propaganda influence his agenda. A blind man can see that there are some serious flaws in America’s healthcare system today.

I am utterly disgusted about the recent developments in Women’s Health. As if women don’t already get the short end of the stick on healthcare issues. I really need the men to step in and support these women issues, because it will only benefit the society as a whole.

First of all, who in the HELL had the gall to determine that women should wait until they are 50 to get mammograms and only do monthly breast exams until that age!!! Are we trying to control the population by letting people die in America? Seriously, there are many survivors and victims of cancer under the age of 50, who were overall healthy individuals without a history of cancer! If you don’t know any, then go back in the archives and read all of my blogs from October.

Secondly, they have really lost their minds delaying pap smears until the age of 21! We have all of these teenage girls having sex and having babies before they barely have a menstrual cycle. They recommend getting a vaccine for cervical cancer at age 11, but then you cannot have a check-up before 21! That is that ____ logic that I talked about last week!

It is a shame that lobbyists and crooked politicians will use President Obama’s good intentions to promote their backwards logic. At the end of the day, when their new recommendations make it into the law books and there is an increase in fatalities, they will try to blame President Obama. Nobody wants to take ownership for their greed and selfishness.

It speaks volumes that a six-year-old can tell you that there is something wrong with the current healthcare system. I pray that someone comes to their senses and realize that these are some dire times and people are desperate just to have their basic needs met.

I am going to put the brakes on this because we should be celebrating Thanksgiving and there is a lot I am thankful for. God has been good to me and I won’t complain. I pray that God has blessed you in some way this year and that you can look forward to many more.

God bless you all!

I am sure many of you have witnessed acts of incompetence and stupidity at some time or another. We often confuse this with people that have a lack of common sense. I have come to the conclusion that it is not a lack of common sense, but the motivation to consistently try to swindle, get over, cheat, or hustle their way out of or into a situation. I affectionately refer to this as “______ logic.”

_____ logic is the idea that your crazy ideas are actually good. _____ logic tells the individual that these ideas are actually in the best interest of all involved. By the time you come to the end of it, you look stupid and your credibility is zero.

For instance, you received a court fine for $300.00 with six months to pay it. Instead, you don’t make any payments, you would rather spend time in jail, and lose the job you have because your priorities are to “kick it” instead of handling your obligations. ______ logic! {SMH} This also applies to those that let bills pile up just for the sake of being in the “in” crowd.

I am sure some of us at some point has heard about a meth lab or freebasing. Did we ever stop to ask the “lab tech” why they dropped out of high school when they have such skills? Usually, the answer is “School just ain’t for me!” Wrong! Basically you are way ahead with your chemistry skills. Why couldn’t you put this knowledge to some good and just tough it? I know why! _____ logic!

Wow, I just thought of a good one! I was pumping gas at the gas station when I was approached by someone who felt the need to ask me for some help. They wanted me to get in a car accident with them so we could split the insurance money! WTH! _____ logic!

The funniest one is when an employee states they want more hours and wants to become a manager. Then they start complaining when they get challenging assignments and refuse to work outside of the schedule hours. “I thought I was only supposed to work 5-10 boss!” ______ logic!

We have seen this ignorant individual way to many times. They have potential and loads of talent, but would rather waste it on useless schemes. They would rather risk jail time, fines, and/or both instead of doing the right thing. How many times can you get caught driving without a license? Just go to the DMV and apply! _____ logic!

I can go on for days about this topic. Many of you who have had the pleasure of being in my company has heard me rant and rave about these very people. There are times when exceptions can be made, oh wait I am lying, there is no exception for this ignorant behavior.

So to all those hackers and identity thieves instead of sitting at home being a criminal, do something productive. Use those skills to build a computer network to help the blind, deaf, or paralyzed so they may benefit from some technological advances. Don’t be a statistic of _____ logic!

Now, I am going to specifically address the definition of a man. However, others may feel free to substitute for a significant other of the female gender. I often hear this phrase and cringe because relationships consist of more than just having a man. Have you ever heard the saying: “Be careful what you ask for?”

We, women, seem to use that without caution and then we wonder why we end up in such a train wreck of a relationship. If it is a man you seek, that can be arranged by just walking up to anyone that meets that requirement. However, have we truly ever sat down and thought of what it is we are really seeking in a “man?”

So, I have decided to come up with a few definitions based on the relationships some of my associates have encountered. So the next time you say “I’m trying to find a man!,” you might want to be a little more specific. Just remember to be honest with yourself because we seek different levels of a relationship. Here you go:

Cuddy-buddy – For those that are not familiar with this term, this is the man that comes over and fulfills those desires of the sexual nature. There are usually no strings attached and you might not even know his last name. The problem with a cuddy-buddy is that when your feelings start to show, he usually bounces and you feel like you have been dumped. Stick with what you want and what you are willing to give up for it. A warm body in the bed does not equal a relationship.

Sometimes, the cuddy-buddy may have a girlfriend, or worse, a wife. Let me set the record straight, no matter how unhappy they say they are, they will not leave them for you! If by chance you are so “lucky,” remember how you got him. So don’t be surprised when you find out he has another cuddy-buddy on the side.

Boo – Most men hate this term anyway, but for the sake of this blog bare with me. The boo is the man who will take you out and pay for a dinner here or there. He will wine and dine you, but don’t get too comfortable. The next thing you know you are paying for drinks and dinner, and all his goals seem to be taking a backseat to a dream of becoming a middle-aged rapper, NBA star, or the next inventor of Shea Butter Lotion. Once a woman starts talking about I have a boo, that is another nickname for pet. You so happy to have someone that you don’t realize he is taking advantage of you. Not to mention they are usually extra “cute” and have the puppy dog eyes down to a science.

Baby Daddy – I really don’t have to define this. However, to all those that are so eager to have a baby because your clock is ticking, all I am going say is you are getting what you deserve. I don’t want to hear about back child support, no support, and the fact you are baby momma number six! If you want a sperm donor, there are agencies that will give you less stress.

Husband – Ding! Ding! Ding! This is the man that is looking to be the provider and the helpmate he was intended to be. Ladies, provider does not mean ATM ,achine! He is the one that will love you unconditionally and be interested in making you a better person. Making you a better person also makes him a better person because you are a team. He cares when you are sick, he takes your calls/texts, and makes sure you have what you need to be the best. They are out there and it is just the manner in which they are sought.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are women out there who do not desire a husband and are looking for a cuddy-buddy. To each their own and I am not mad at you. I prefer a friend that understands what they want because I don’t have to hear about it later. However, it is those that will settle for the game of the cuddy-buddy, the boo, and the baby daddy in their quest for a lifelong companion. Ever hear the saying “You can’t turn a h** into a house wife!” The same applies to men.

I recently told a male friend that before you get into a relationship, especially after a failed one, you must first deal with yourself. If you don’t recognize your faults, then how can you effectively contribute to a relationship? I believe that a relationship is designed to enhance one another and not take away from the persons involved. Don’t sell yourself short by accepting anything less than you desire, but don’t ruin it either by not giving what you expect.

So the next time you say you want a man, reconsider the statement, and ask for what you truly want out of the opposite sex!

You know I am adult enough to recognize my mistakes in those past relationships, and I take responsibility for my faults, most of the time. I might not do it when I’m supposed too, but for the most part I can acknowledge when I have done something wrong. Usually, you learn from it and move on. Every now and then, however, it may require you to make a formal apology or acknowledge the violation, but most of the time, your own self-reflection is enough.

I really loathe when exes come back and think they can win you over with an “I’m Sorry” and with puppy dog eyes and a smile. It even makes me think less of you when you make statements like “You’re the best and I messed up.” Do you honestly think that is something I want to hear? After being dogged, mistreated, and violated, telling me I am the best is not going to make it all better. Come on now, when you mother kissed your knee after you fell, did it really take the pain away?

It is the start of the holiday season and we all know many folks hate to be alone for the holidays. So those exes that made the break for the summer come crawling back bearing gifts and pleasantries. I just want to let you know it is not that easy and I hope people don’t actually fall for it.

I have had several conversations with both female and male friends who have experienced the same situation. In December of 2008 I published a blog about the issue of “Ex-qualifications” and it referenced those issues that hinder one from making the clean break. There was something in that publishing and we need to figure it out so we don’t dare to make the same mistake twice.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are many people who reunite with an ex and have a relationship that is much better and more sustaining. However, I believe this can only happen when each individual takes advantage of the “alone time” and do some self-inventory.

To me, if your ex was a cheater, then that is a trust issue and trust is a hard value to re-establish. If they didn’t have stability in their life, then they would have to prove how stable their current situation is. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. Unless there is clear evidence that the problem has been corrected, then RUN!

Seriously, what really makes a person come back begging for forgiveness when they know they have violated the relationship? Even if the person takes you back, there is still that insecurity that makes the violator say: “I know you still think I am the same as when I messed up!” Really, maybe you are. I remember an ex of mine, which I agreed to give another chance, told me: “You just want to take me back to break up with me again.” Huh?!? Why couldn’t you be secure enough to think maybe I valued the good qualities of in you and the relationship enough to give it another chance!

I guess one of my friends said it best: “Let the past, stay the past!”

There are many cancers out there and they all have a devastating effect on the victims and their families.  So for October you wore pink, but for the rest of the year, try a purple ribbon as this represents the fight to end all types of cancers.  Not to mention that purple is the color of royalty!

Speaking of colors and ribbons, it is that time of year where we as adults get to have a little fun playing dress-up.  Despite these hard economic times we all can use a little R&R and there are plenty of Halloween parties taking place at a hotspot near you.  So get out the 70’s gear or come off that $20.00 for a sexy costume.

Speaking of costumes, I have the perfect costume, but I am not telling anyone. Just a little hint: It’s RED! I know that is for AIDS awareness, but I have to represent!  However, I promise to post a picture next week! I also promise you that this is an original!  Don’t forget to share your pictures with me and I might come up with a prize for the best one!  If you see me around the city, be sure to give me a shout out, I am always eager to meet my supporters.  Get creative for Halloween and wear a color to support your cause: pink=breast cancer, blue= prostate cancer or just get them all by incorporating purple into the mix.

Don’t forget to check your local news for updates on mammogram screenings and Breast Cancer events happening in your area.  Although the fight continues, we all know awareness decreases due to the decline in media exposure. Come on now, say it with me: An Ounce of Prevention Can Save a Life!

For those that like football, and you know I am a fan, there is a professional women’s flag football tournament, Flagging for the Cure, taking place the first weekend of November here in Atlanta.  There will be a benefit concert on Friday and it will be followed by the games on Saturday.  This event is sponsored by The Lynn Lewis Foundation and The Pink Couture Agency. For more information, e-mail awfflinfo@yahoo.com.

If I have missed any events, feel free to leave a comment to promote your event as we enter the final stretch of closing Breast Cancer Awareness Month and defeating this dreadful disease.

Until next month, remember to wear something pink!